I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
