i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
