I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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