Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
