People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
