I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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