my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
