I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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