I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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