420 ftw
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its not stalking. its research.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
