If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
