FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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