I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
