u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
