I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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