THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
