I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
