he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
