Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
