You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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