Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
