i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
