I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
