apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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