We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
