So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
