I am in a vortex of obligation.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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