whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
