imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
