I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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