the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
