have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
