My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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