return my video game
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
