It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
