My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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