the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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