didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
