So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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