she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
