Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
