mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The best revenge is premature balding
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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