hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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