Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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