Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
