nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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