his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
