and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So vagazzling was a success
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
