yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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