I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
