No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
