i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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