apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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