Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
