In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
