I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i already hear my dad disowning me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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