Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
