Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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