you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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