Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
