No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
