Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize