That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
