Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
