If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
