Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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