Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have post one night stand depression
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