You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
