i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
