We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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