haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
