he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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