Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
