wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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