Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
